All they'd ever need
by bonesmad
Summary: He was gone again, and it was killing her...


Song belongs to Lady Antebellum!

First Torchwood fanfic... Love it so much and miss it!

Boy it's been all this time  
And I can't get you off my mind  
And nobody knows it but me

"Anwen no." Gwen said wearily as her five year old daughter went to start drawing on the table again. "on the paper." She looked out the window and sighed. She loved her daughter but this was a far cry from the Torchwood days. She shook her head. She hadn't even lasted an hour with out thinking of Torchwood.

I stare at your photograph  
Still sleep in the shirt you left  
And nobody knows it but me

I took the box out from under my bed and sat down taking a few seconds to open it. Anwen was at school and Rhys was working the day shift. So she had a few hours to herself, and this is what she'd found herself wanting to do. She lifted the lid off the box and placed it on the bed beside her. the first photo to greet her was her favourite. It had five smiling faces. Tosh, Eoin, Ianto, herself and Jack. She nearly cried at all the smiling faces, Tosh Eoin and Yan. All gone. Every last one of them. And he'd left her too. She was the only one left on earth.

Everyday I wipe my tears away  
So many nights I've prayed for you to say

It was the next picture that got her. it was of Jack and Anwen just after miracle day. He'd stayed for a while, until he irritated Rhys, then he'd taken off again. but she'd managed to snap this shot of him and Anwen sitting on the rocking chair, both fast asleep. She swiped her hand across her cheek, fearful that anyone would ever see her cry. She missed him so much. Why couldn't he have just stayed? Did she mean that little to him?

I should've been chasing you  
I should've been trying to prove  
That you were all that mattered to me

She could have gone after him after miracle day, could have stopped him. She could have stopped him years ago. She could have just told him.

"_that's an engagement ring." She'd said her eyes wide with shock. He'd left her so many times, but Rhys had always been there. It didn't matter how much he meant to her. she loved Rhys too_

She could kick herself for that moment. Years on she was still mad at herself. That would have been the perfect moment to tell him. Maybe then she could have kept him.

I should've said all the things that I kept inside of me  
And maybe I could've made you believe  
That what we had was all we'd ever need

He'd left because he thought that Torchwood was over, when they'd lost Tosh, Eoin and then Ianto. But why didn't she make him believe that the two of them was still Torchwood. The two of them could be all they needed to keep going.

My friends think I'm moving on  
But the truth is I'm not that strong  
And nobody knows it but me

"Yes Rex… see you then." She hung up the phone and looked at it for a second. Rex had been visiting every few months since miracle day. He had begun to adjust to his new life. He'd taken Jack's disappearance hard though, it had been comforting for him to know he wasn't the only one in the world. So she'd been the one to reassure him, tell him he didn't need Jack to function in society. When the truth was she didn't believe it all. She was still trying to figure out how to go on without him.

And I've kept all the words you said  
In a box underneath my bed  
And nobody knows it but me

There was boxes upon boxes of Torchwood files underneath the guestroom bed. If Rhys ever found them he'd be so mad, if he knew just how many times she'd pull them out just to look at the (very few) times Jack had written up a case, just to see his handwriting again. four years on and this was the only comfort she really had.

But if you're happy I'll get through somehow  
But the truth is that I've been screaming out

She knew he had to leave when his grandson died, he needed to clear his head. But why couldn't he stay after their time in America. Why couldn't he stay around. He hadn't even told her that he'd found peace in his travels. Maybe he could have found it here with them.

She'd been chasing weevils the past few years by night, capturing them and letting them out in a cave miles away from any people. The thrill of it kept her sane, but the cuts and bruises were getting worse and Rhys would catch on soon.

I should've been chasing you  
You should've been trying to prove  
That you were all that mattered to me

She wrapped her arms around her to shake off the cold as she watched Anwen building sandcastles. Her phone beeped and she pulled it out of her pocket. "Cooper… Rex hello… yes… yes that was me alright. Weevil got a bit out of hand. The building wasn't that badly damaged… I couldn't leave a weevil running loose around the town…Yes Rex. I wont." She hung up and turned around only to find a figure crouched down beside Anwen, helping her build her sand castle. The figure stood up and turned to face her. Her heart almost stopped as she took in the navy army jacket. He grinned and walked towards her, she took a step back from him involuntarily, but as her mind cleared she ran towards him, but just as quickly he disappeared. A tear ran down her face. Just one. A single cold tear.

Oh you should've said all the things  
That I kept inside of me  
And maybe you could've made me believe  
That what we had girl  
Oh that what we had, what we had  
It was all we'd ever need  
It was all we'd ever need


End file.
